


Boys will be Boys

by jelenaRusso



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dating, Deathly Hallows snippets, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Genderbend, Horcrux Hunting, Male!Golden Trio, Male!Hermione, guy best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28974525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jelenaRusso/pseuds/jelenaRusso
Summary: Three seventeen year old boys, one shoddy tent complete with deranged piece of a Dark Lord's soul, on a save the world mission. Talks of previous shenanigans, cooking attempts and Celestina Warbeck imitations ensue.(Male!Hermione, references of Hermione/Ginny) Deathly Hallows horcrux hunt scenes featuring Male!Hermione
Relationships: Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ginny Weasley
Kudos: 27





	Boys will be Boys

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic cuz I couldn't find a male!Hermione fic that I liked. But it's not much anyway...

'I'm bored.'

That was Ronald Bilius Weasley, leaning against the shoddy tent canvas, and playing with the wristband of his watch.

'Perhaps you could try cooking something decent for once?' Hector Leontes Granger asked, nose buried in a book.

'Why is it that I get stuck with the cooking?'

'Because,' said Harry. 'You're a Weasley- you've been eating only good food for your whole life. C'mon, I'm sure you have those cooking genes hidden somewhere.'

'Shut it, Harry. I want to talk about something good, not my lack of cooking finesse.'

'That's not how you pronounce finesse, by the way, it's-' Hector was cut out by Ron's rather violent throat clearing.

'Fine, how 'bout Ginny's amazing-' Harry started.

'Oi! That's my sister!'

'Really, Harry, you're probably the only guy in our year who didn't go out with Ginny. Apart from Ron, of course.' Hector said.

'Yeah, well, remember Ron trying to ask out Fleur?'

'And now she's your sister-in-law!' Hector laughed. Ron didn't appreciate this.

'Well, how about Cho? C'mon mate, you must have been a really bad kisser-'

'Look who's talking. Who was the one eating Lavender's face last year?' Hector interjected.

'Well, _Won-Won_ needed to practice his technique somewhere.' Harry said.

'Can we stop talking about my dating history?'

'History is a big word for one god awful breakup and a Yule ball fiasco, don't you think?' Hector asked.

'Fine, let's talk about, I dunno, that vacation when you went skying or something?' Ron suggested, the tip of his ears red.

'Skiing, Ron.'

'Yeah, and I kept thinking I was being possessed by Vol-'

'For the last fucking time- You Know Who!'

Hector sighed- he had long since given up on Ron's language.

There was silence for a few moments and then Harry said abruptly. 'I miss Sirius.'

'Oh Harry, so do we.' Said Hector.

'Remember how he ate rats in fourth year just because of me? I never did get time.'

'Well,' said Ron awkwardly. 'We can make up by, I dunno, killing Bellatrix in a horrific way?'

' _Ron!'_

And then, all of a sudden, Harry started to laugh. Loudly.

'Harry! What's so funny?'

'You and Ron arguing, have I ever told you how much you sound like an old married couple?'

'Harry, for Merlin's sake, I'm straight!'

'So am I, you git.'

* * *

'I don't think it's supposed to be in that colour, Ron….' Hector said nervously, eyeing the charred remains of the _accioed_ salmon.

'It's burnt, you idiots.' Harry added from his position outside the tent. 'I can smell it from here!'

'What do we do now?'

'Eat it?' Ron suggested.

'And puke our guts out? No, thanks.'

* * *

'How was it?'

'By Merlin, if we're listening to Ron's impression of Celestina Warbeck, we're going stir-crazy.'

* * *

'I wish I'd hooked up with Angelina now….'

'Don't tell me you jerked off to your future sister in law?'

'Speaking of er, jerking off, Harry you're in charge of cleaning the blankets….'

* * *

'Harry, your hair is getting out of hand-' said Hector and Ron nodded sagely. 'Yeah, and I'll remember to get a bottle of Sleakeazy's for you, Hector, the next time we go shopping. Or do you want two?'

'Perhaps you would like some Malfoy blonde hair dye?'

* * *

'And you just swallowed the snitch whole, ha!'

'Yeah, man, Quidditch…' Harry said dreamily, remembering the whoosh of the cool breeze, the shining sun, Ginny's red hair…

Where did that come from?

'If there's one thing you're missing out on Hector, its Quidditch,' Ron said as Hector scoffed.

'Those bludgers are simply barbaric- '

'They're _fun_ \- '

'And Harry, did you say Ginny? Need I remind you both how you _barged into_ Ginny's room at the Burrow this summer? Do you have any idea how rude and uncouth that was? It was clearly a private moment and you two hooligans-'

'Hector we've already heard this lecture before, you're losing your touch mate. And can we please stop talking about Ginny? She's my goddamn sister!'

'He didn't say hooligans the last time, it was arseholes-' Harry interjected importantly.

'Of course he didn't, Hector doesn't use such _uncouth_ language-'

'But his temper does meddle into his resolutions at times, don't you say?'

'We could teach you the art of swearing if you want Hector-'

'Oh, shut the fuck up, you arses!'

'Did you hear that, Ron? Two swearwords in one sentence, sweet Merlin!'

'It must be our wonderful influence-'

'Corrupting,' Hector shot.

'Whatever you say. You're the brightest wizard of our age, aren't you?'

'Yeah, well, but you're-' Hector started but was cut off by a dramatic sigh.

'Oh no, Harry, I've just realized something maddening-'

'What sudden brainwave hit you just now?' Hector said dramatically.

'Merlin's balls, we sound like those two gits!'

'Sadly Ron, I happen to know a lot of gits. Which two gits?' asked Harry.

Ron looked mortified. 'We sound like the _twins_! Those phobia inducing, speckly-'

'Didn't you just say you missed them yesterday?'

'Formalities! What was I thinking, of course I miss them, I mean I don't,'

* * *

'Hector, how would you react if I said I fancy Ginny? Ouch, no, that was my -'

* * *


End file.
